A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them. She said, "You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."
He immediately drops his pants and replies.. "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"